Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
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Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
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Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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