The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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