I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
