I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
