people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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