Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
