is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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