Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
