Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize