She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
