Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
