I didn't shave. On purpose
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
