did you get engaged???
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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