mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Send help, water and tortillas.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
