it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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