I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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