I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
