Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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