I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
