I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize