i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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