awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
