living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
