toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
