i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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