so explain again why im purple
no
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
