be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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