Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
