In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
