we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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