Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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