Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
