to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
