my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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