i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize