My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
