Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
