he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
this will be a night to untag.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
