UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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