I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
