The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I am available for nakedness
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
