the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
