my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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