Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
