i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
