You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
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