Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
thus making me awesome and them whores
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
