How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
