He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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