No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
