well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
