I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
