Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
