Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
