well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Send help, water and tortillas.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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