just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
