after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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