How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
