69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Randomize
