i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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