Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I need water and some morals
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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