Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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