I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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