she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
