and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
