But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
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Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
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Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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