If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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