I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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