How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
