I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
