I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
