Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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