At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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