Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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