I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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