im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and you said cock pushups were impossible
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
