hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
