soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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