My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
