Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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